Submit your Al Gore theories here

I have two theories:  The first is that Al Gore hired the "masseuse" to release his "second Chakra" and everything went down as planned.  But this masseuse saw an opportunity to shake him down for much more than a $50 handjob and took it.  This begins to come to light and Al comes clean with Tipper before it is made public.  At which point Tipper, because she doesn't need to take that shit, splits.  Now the masseuse has gone public with basically a phony story containing a kernel of truth which Al Gore can never publicly admit to.  And the masseuse, being no William Shakespeare herself, leaves us with a rambling, confusing, and very hard to believe story.  Thus the masseuse caused Al and Tipper to split despite the story being basically phony.

My second theory after the jump:

My second theory is that it wasn't Al Gore in that room at all, but actually the Smoke Monster.  When the masseuse touched him, he had a memory of long ago having an affair with an ancient villager on a remote island.  He felt a surge of passion and remembrance.  But the masseuse hadn't traveled back in time yet to have the affair with the Smoke Monster and so had no innate memory of their affair.  She recoiled.  And when she did so, the Smoke Monster become angry.  However, being so far from the Heart of the Island, his Smoke Monster powers failed him and he was left with simple thuggery.  The masseuse escapes and begins to go to the police.  However, before the scheduled interview with the detectives, she meets Jacob who tells her she is special and is needed on the Island.  She goes to the Island, but lands in an ancient time where she meets the Smoke Monster in human form.  Not as Al Gore, but as the hunky Richard Alpert.  They have an affair, she becomes pregnant, and carries a child to term.  However, the child dies because of some mysterious power in the Island.  The masseuse becomes embittered.  The sky turns bright and the next thing she knows, she's all alone outside of an enormous electronic fence belonging to the Dharma Initiative.  They eventually let her inside and decide that she is trustworthy.  She obtains a spot on the submarine and returns to modern-day Portland.  Two years have passed since she disappeared from Portland.  She remembers the encounter with the Smoke Monster and understands why he acted the way that he did.  But it doesn't matter.  Her child has died and she is terribly embittered.  So, she decides to go public with the story understanding that as improbable as it all sounds, she must try to hurt the Smoke Monster the way she was hurt when her child died on the Island.  That's what I think happened.


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You gotta be able to get one in that works in John Edwards somehow.

by Jerome Armstrong 2010-06-25 10:33AM | 1 recs
RE: Submit your Al Gore theories here

As someone who was one of the few MYDDers not to discredit the Enquirer story about Edwards, let me say that I am leaning against part of this story being bogus.

Wasn't this a 564 dollar massage?  A standard therepeutic massage in a regular city is around 100. I would guess that rate is doubled in vegas to 200. Considering it is an expensive hotel, maybe 400 at most. Was Al Gore expecting some extras for that money? Maybe he did ask for what she said he did. But then did nothing when he got rebuffed? The truth could be somewhere in the middle?


The lady is 54 years old. No, I dont bring this up to discredit her looks. She must be experienced enough to be quick on her feet in getting away from a client, no matter how famous he is. So I doubt her story that she couldn't get away. Unfortunately, her final escape is redacted from the Smoking Gun account I read.

There seems to be a lot of political related opinions in that story. Some of that seem to jibe with right wing jokes about Gore having a stupid giggle. Gore singing Pink's Mr President was admittedly a hilarious story, fiction or not.

It is possible her story is true and she was trying to capitalize on her experience. Not necessarily contradictory. But I don't know. I doubt it.


I will put up a diary on Gore one of these days. Let's say that I am not thrilled with his role in politics in the last few years. As much as I wanted him to run for the 2008 election, I was disappointed by his echo chamber adventures. I personally thought An Inconvenient Truth was not a great documentary and focused too much on the cult of personality. I think Flock of Dodos does a much better job with evolution than what Gore's doc did with global warming. And I wish Gore concentrated more on surrogates spreading the word to complement his appearances.

by Pravin 2010-06-26 03:49AM | 0 recs
RE: Submit your Al Gore theories here

As someone who was one of the few MYDDers not to discredit the Enquirer story about Edwards, let me say that I am leaning against part of this story being bogus.


I meant that I think part of the story IS bogus.


by Pravin 2010-06-28 07:13PM | 0 recs
He prolly got in trouble

by not minding his own goddam business.

by QTG 2010-06-26 02:23PM | 0 recs
RE: Submit your Al Gore theories here

I'm inclined to doubt the story. Clinton was always known to be a philanderer and Edwards was the sleaziest person in the world whenever I met him, so those puffs of smoke were always easier to believe. But there's no backstory here, no pattern for it to fit into. The timing of the divorce is the only thing giving it credibility, but that could be purely coincidental. It did seem quite amicable, and let's remember, not just  the cops but the local paper did everything they could to prove the story and couldn't.

by Nathan Empsall 2010-06-26 04:29PM | 0 recs


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