"LuckyMandate:" Give me money now or you're probably evil.

Stay tuned for exciting and relevant commentary on health care "reform," but first, a word from our sponsor, me.


Look at this child.

Do you realize that by not GIVING ME MONEY, you are personally responsible for the suffering of this child and many others like him? Continue below, for news on how you can help, by giving me money.

Introducing, LuckyCross, a subsidiary of me. I'm a direct advocacy agency designed to help children like this one. Again, you personally have a civic responsibility to to give me money and if you don't, it's quite possible that you may suck. Now understand, LuckyCross isn't the best option for helping people, but it's better than nothing. At LuckyCross, here's where your money goes:

20% of your money can go directly into my pocket. But some of it will be used to pay off politicians and fight against the goals of the progressive left. Some will be used to pass my new legislation to require every American to give me money. Now, I hate to name-drop, but I've been in contact with a certain Joe Senator, and well, he says I've got a pretty good shot on getting my rider passed. As to the rest of your money:

. .

You have a guarantee that %80 of your money will go to directly help children avoid contact with members of the Bush adminstration, especially Dick Cheney. Here's how that money breaks down:

1. 50% of the money goes to administrative costs, namely, me. It's a hard job that I do, but I do it for the children.


2. 10% goes to our claims department. Also me. But understand, somebody has to be responsible for keeping costs down! So I work hard to deny claims whenever possible, and for that I deserve cold hard cash!


3. Materials, research and support staff. These are purchased through LuckyPower, a subsidiary of me.


Now, you may notice that there's no actual guarantee that any of your money will actually be going to serve the purpose that you're supposed to be giving me the money for. But keep in mind that it's POSSIBLE that it COULD happen, I mean, ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!!! And well, it's better than nothing, right?

What are you going to do, hold it against me next November? What other option have you got?! You think some Republican is going to keep that douche away from kids? Besides, it's your civic duty, just look at the kid in that picture up there... look at him! You've got no choice.

Besides, I mean, who wouldn't see what a great deal that is? Why, you'd have to be some kind of netroots blogger not to give money to an organization like me!

And now to your regularly scheduled diary...

Tags: Health care bill sucks, mandate, Public Option (all tags)

Comments

1 Comment

Better than nothing!
I guess...
by luckymortal 2009-12-21 11:50AM | 0 recs

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