Barack, You Socialist
by Denny Crane, Fri Jul 18, 2008 at 06:16:16 PM EDT
Barack, I always suspected that you had nefarious intentions, and now we all know for sure, thanks to the delightfully informed John McCain. After all, he's a smart guy. He says you're more extreme than Bernie Sanders. And we all know that ole Bernie is a pinko-commie-Jane Fonda-loving-gay rights supporting-believer in the Constitution. Poor Bernie, he just doesn't know how insane it is to supports rights for people.
And now, Mr. Obama, McCain has outed you , you monster.
"I think we should change (Obama's slogan) to `no, we can't,' " McCain told the crowd.
He also said Obama had the "most extreme" record in the Senate.
Asked later if he thought Obama was an extremist, McCain said: "His voting record ... is more to the left than the announced socialist in the United States Senate, Bernie Sanders of Vermont."
Does McCain think Obama is a socialist? "I don't know. All I know is his voting record, and that's what people usually judge their elected representatives by."
And to top it off, Barack, you have the poor judgement to suggest that McCain talk about issues instead of bizarro personal attacks?
Obama's campaign, in a statement: "John McCain squandered an opportunity to talk with Missourians about solutions to our economic problems and chose instead to launch the same old tired political attacks that the American people are sick of."
Don't you know that personal attacks are what's really important here? People don;t want to talk about issues that affect their lives, you silly man.
Barack, I knew there was something rotten when you told us we should get out of Iraq, when everyone knows we should stay for 100 years. I know it should be 100 years because John McCain told me. How can you possibly think Iraq is a distraction?
And then of course, there is always your pinko support for healthcare for everyone. If that doesn't prove you're more evil than Bernie Sanders, then nothing will. If the little people can't afford to pay ridiculously high health care premiums, well, they just better not get sick. It's not my problem.
And worst of all, your aren't even in favor spreading American values throughout the world by invading every country that isn't us. You socialists are always trying to keep us from forcing those foreigners to agree with us. What do you care about those people? It's not like they're Americans. Might equals right, Mr. Obama. Haven't you heard? John McCain told me so.
For the sake of clarity, this is snark, folks. I sometimes wonder if McCain has mad cow like my namesake.