Just indulging in a little fantasy upon the announcement of President Obama rejecting all four of the "options" for Afghanistan given to him by General Stanley McChrystal.  Growing into his commander-in-chief shoes.  We are a fly on the wall in a meeting of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

Obama (waving papers):"I said options, dammit.  You guys call these options?" (reads through a few pages.) "This looks like various proportions of the same old shit.  Stanley, you mean to tell me this is the best you can do?"(General Stanley McChrystal shifts uncomfortably)

McChrystal:"Sir, I..."

(Cuts him off) Obama:"I mean look at this, the 'high-risk' option is 15,000 more troops, running to 'medium risk' at 20,000 more, on up to 'lowest risk' at 60,000.  You all know damned well your own counter-insurgency manual says 20 troops  for every 1,000 inhabitants for a successful operation.  Isn't that what it says?  That's 700,000 troops, which we don't have.

General Number 2: "Yes, sir, but..."

Obama:"And what about that book has changed between then and now?  Nothing.  So how is 60,000 more troops "low risk?" (casts his eyes about the room.  No answers.)

McChrystal:"Sir, we're going to be risking failure if we don't go in there with more guys.  We don't want that sir."

Obama:"Stan, it was All Quiet on the Western Front there until four years ago.  Then the suicide bombings started, and the car bombs, and the attacks on our boys, and all you guys are doing is running around the countryside with more bang bang and shoot-em-up.  Now every other boy in Afghanistan is working for the Taliban, at least part time. Part-time!  (waves a newspaper report) What the hell is this, Store 24?  It says here no one even likes the Taliban!  What in the hell have you guys been doing over there?"

General Number 3:"You can't believe everything you read, sir."

Obama:"I know that, general, but if this is even a little true then we're missing the boat somewhere."

(Obama paces, looking through reports.  His necktie is loose and his sleeves are rolled up.  He lights up a cigarette)

Obama:"Any of you guys tell Michelle and I'll kill you.  You can smoke em if you got em." (a couple of other generals light up, the others are not bothered.)

Obama:"Now what about this situation, from relative peace to full-blown chaos, does not constitute failure already, Stanley?  Anybody?  And now you come in here with more of the same of what got us to this point."

(taps at pages in his hand as he speaks)

Obama:"Look at this, 20 percent of the same old shit.  50 percent of the same old shit.  100 percent of the same old shit.  But it's still the same old shit!  Now gentlemen. when I say options, I want some options.  Go in there and do some thinking.  Then come back to me.  This guy Eikenberry, he's one of you right?  Went to West Point and everything, right?  Earned his stars, was former commander of US forces there, right?  Now he comes telling me what I've got here is a pig wearing a gold ear ring.  What is it that he knows that you don't know?"

(The president sits at the head of the table, rubs his forehead a minute.  Folds his hands and leans across the table, looking around the room full bore.  The generals hush.)

Obama:"Fellas, I don't want to be signing thousands of more letters to boys' mamas.  I'm the one who has got to look their mamas in the eye, and watch them coming in at Dover.  When their mamas fall to the floor I am the one who must answer to them was this absolutely necessary.  Now get back there and craft me some options.  Everyone back here at 0300 hours tomorrow morning, that's when my bird lands and I'll be taking off again six hours later.    Don't bring me three donkeys, one in a blue dress, one in white one, and one in a red.  When I say options I mean options."

(President stands.  Officers snap to attention.)

Obama:"One more thing.  I catch one of you guys leaking to the papers about how I've already made up my mind when I haven't, I'll fire his ass.  Understood?"

Generals:"Sir!"

Obama:"Dismissed."(Generals turn to leave.  One officer remains standing, a junior grade attache just back from combat, now assigned to Washington.)

Obama:"Yes, son?"

Soldier, turns directly to Obama:"Sir.  Thank you sir."(salutes.  The president, looking a little puzzled, returns the salute.  Soldier looks down quickly, turns smartly on his heel and exits the room.)

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