Catholic League president Bill Donohue is outraged. Outraged because those damn gays are getting married. Bill says that if you open the door, a Rick Santorumesque world holds sway – threesomes and moresomes will suck all the life out of the Catholic church and bring the human race to ruination.

Bill’s outraged that nature disqualified homosexuals from parenting because they don’t have matching equipment. Yet, they insist on marrying to raise children within the framework of stable 2-parent couplings. Or as Bill more electrifyingly puts it, “I mean, let’s face it. If you want electricity, if you want juice, you can’t have two sockets touch each other or two prongs. The prong has to penetrate the socket.”

Make sure you have a good solid ground too.

Methinks Bill should think more about that whole, “the prong has to penetrate the socket” analogy though. Clearly, there are lots of gay prongs penetrating lots of gay sockets as we speak. Presumably lesbians would need to make other arrangements. Perhaps a turkey baster plug for their procreative sockets.

He’s afraid of dysfunctional Hallmark moments too. “We just had father’s day,” he explained. “What do you say to these kids when you have two mothers?”

How about, “excuse me Johnny you have two Daddies. We know that makes picking out a Father’s Day card a little tricky, but suck it up. Life’s hard kid.”

It seems this whole gay marriage thing is a bigger issue than holding Latin-only mass. What would happen if Fridays went fish-free? What if that papal infallibility thing turned out to be wrong? What would happen if Ratzie suddenly said, “Oops, it turns out that pedophiliac priests really aren’t very wholesome after all. Phew, glad I can make infallible corrections.”

Bill, priests are hard to come by these days and your congregations are shrinking. Isn’t it time you and Ratzie drag the church into the 16th century? A time when the Earth is round and the planets revolve around the sun? Americans are running from this medieval nonsense and that can’t be a good thing. Your Big Boss upstairs can’t be happy about your results and you know it’s not nice to fool with your Superior Being.

C’mon Bill, let’s plug Prong A into Slot B and catch up with the times.

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

 

 

 

Catholic League president Bill Donohue is outraged. Outraged because those damn gays are getting married. Bill says that if you open the door, a Rick Santorumesque world holds sway – threesomes and moresomes will suck all the life out of the Catholic church and bring the human race to ruination.

Bill’s outraged that nature disqualified homosexuals from parenting because they don’t have matching equipment. Yet, they insist on marrying to raise children within the framework of stable 2-parent couplings. Or as Bill more electrifyingly puts it, “I mean, let’s face it. If you want electricity, if you want juice, you can’t have two sockets touch each other or two prongs. The prong has to penetrate the socket.”

Make sure you have a good solid ground too.

Methinks Bill should think more about that whole, “the prong has to penetrate the socket” analogy though. Clearly, there are lots of gay prongs penetrating lots of gay sockets as we speak. Presumably lesbians would need to make other arrangements. Perhaps a turkey baster plug for their procreative sockets.

He’s afraid of dysfunctional Hallmark moments too. “We just had father’s day,” he explained. “What do you say to these kids when you have two mothers?”

How about, “excuse me Johnny you have two Daddies. We know that makes picking out a Father’s Day card a little tricky, but suck it up. Life’s hard kid.”

It seems this whole gay marriage thing is a bigger issue than holding Latin-only mass. What would happen if Fridays went fish-free? What if that papal infallibility thing turned out to be wrong? What would happen if Ratzie suddenly said, “Oops, it turns out that pedophiliac priests really aren’t very wholesome after all. Phew, glad I can make infallible corrections.”

Bill, priests are hard to come by these days and your congregations are shrinking. Isn’t it time you and Ratzie drag the church into the 16th century? A time when the Earth is round and the planets revolve around the sun? Americans are running from this medieval nonsense and that can’t be a good thing. Your Big Boss upstairs can’t be happy about your results and you know it’s not nice to fool with your Superior Being.

C’mon Bill, let’s plug Prong A into Slot B and catch up with the times.

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

 

 

 

Rudy Giuliani has the opportunity to become the first Roman Catholic to win the Republican Party's presidential nomination. The problem is, Rudy is not a very good Catholic, at least as measured by adherence to Church dogma. Rudy is "pro-choice,""pro-gay rights,""pro-death penalty" and, if his own personal history is a guide, pro serial marriage. While I am not a Catholic, I am pretty sure that this is not the Church's preferred social platform.

There's more...

From debates over marriage to adoption, the shameful bigotry of homophobia takes many forms. One of the last fully undiscovered frontiers of the issue is athletics. Last week, former NBA center John Amaechi came out as a gay man, a brave move in the world of sports. Reactions, as you would expect, have been varied. Some league athletes - from Shavlik Randolph to Steven Hunter to LeBron James - reacted to the news at arm's length. Others - Charles Barkley, Grant Hill, Shaquille O'Neal and coach Doc Rivers - were very supportive. Said Randolph, "As long as you don't bring your gayness on me, I'm fine." Hunter, in taking a similar tack, said, "As long as he don't make any advances toward me I'm fine with it. As long as he came to play basketball like a man and conducted himself as a good person, I'd be fine with it." James's statement, meanwhile, reveals that the superstar still has some growing to do: "With teammates you have to be trustworthy, and if you're gay and you're not admitting that you are, then you are not trustworthy. So that's like the number one thing as teammates ... we all trust each other. You've heard of the in-room locker room code. What happens in the locker room stays there. It's a trust factor." Others in the basketball community stood with Amaechi.

There's more...

Admittedly, it has been a rough couple of weeks for the progressive blogosphere. What started as great news from the John Edwards presidential campaign - the hiring of two insightful, respected bloggers in high-level positions - quickly deteriorated in the face of the right wing's last effective ways of doing business, mock, hypocritical outrage and disgusting threats. Despite Edwards's initial defense of bloggers Amanda Marcotte and Melissa McEwan, the climate of hate fostered, in part, by the bigoted Bill Donohue and, to a lesser extent, the bigoted Michelle Malkin led to the pair's resignation. In the midst of the controversy, I suggested the benefits of pursuing clenched-fist progressive politics. Upon further review, and armed with the fact that the right won't stop attacking no matter how far backward the Democrats retreat, it has become clear that a no-holds-barred approach is the only way to go. What's also clear is this: We're in this fight together.

There's more...