Samuel Wurzelbacher aka Joe the Plumber, that reluctant and self-effacing, or is it self-impaling for at times I cannot tell, hero of the American conservative movement has given an interview to that erudite journal of evangelical conviction, Christianity Today. Mr. Wurzelbacher certainly is one for new careers, perhaps all best filed under the rubric of prostitution, for since his fortuitous encounter with Barack Obama back in October that lifted him to these heights of conservative fancy he has played at being a war correspondent, an author and a pundit. And he has been an epic fail at all of these for it seems conservatives these days are all about self-flagellation for they keep on trotting him out for another bout as a whipping post. He must enjoy playing the fool for he sure does excel at it.

He is first asked what about conservatism appeals to him as a Christian. He replies that conservatism "is about the basic rights of individuals" adding the "God created us" and that "the Founding Fathers based the Constitution off of Christian values." They go "hand-in-hand" he assures us. Damn better make sure the President adds him to his short list for the Supreme Court. Joe the Constitutional scholar. He further adds that he feels a connection to the Republican party "because individual freedom should not be legislated by the federal government."

It is his answer to the second question on same-sex marriage at a state level that has raised the most eyebrows. Beyond learning that he actually owns a dictionary, he is quick to toss around definitions. Mr. Wurzelbacher after acknowledging that gay marriage is in his view a state issue goes on to state that "people don't understand the dictionary--it's called queer" and that queer "means strange and unusual." He argues that it is not a slur but then goes on to say that he won't let any of his gay friends near his children.

At a state level, it's up to them. I don't want it to be a federal thing. I personally still think it's wrong. People don't understand the dictionary--it's called queer. Queer means strange and unusual. It's not like a slur, like you would call a white person a honky or something like that. You know, God is pretty explicit in what we're supposed to do--what man and woman are for. Now, at the same time, we're supposed to love everybody and accept people, and preach against the sins. I've had some friends that are actually homosexual. And, I mean, they know where I stand, and they know that I wouldn't have them anywhere near my children. But at the same time, they're people, and they're going to do their thing.

Joe should look up the word moron in that dictionary. His picture should be right there. As per the word queer, here's what a "reclaimed word" means since that concept seems to have evaded him.

A reclaimed word is a word that was formerly used solely as a slur but that has been semantically overturned by members of the maligned group, who use it as a term of defiant pride. Queer is an example of a word undergoing this process. For decades Queer was used solely as a derogatory adjective for gays and lesbians, but in the 1980s the term began to be used by gay and lesbian activists as a term of self-identification. Eventually, it came to be used as an umbrella term that included gay men, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgendered people. Nevertheless, a sizable percentage of people to whom this term might apply still hold Queer to be a hateful insult, and its use by heterosexuals is often considered offensive. Similarly, other reclaimed words are usually offensive to the in-group when used by outsiders, so extreme caution must be taken concerning their use when one is not a member of the group.

The rest of the interview is equally enlightening into the mind of the demented among us. We learn for example that in Joe's view the Republican Party does not reach out to evangelicals enough. He finds that the GOP uses "God as a punch line . .  . to invoke sympathy or invoke righteousness, but they don't stay the course." He is apparently quite the state rightist arguing that "all needs to be taken out of the federal level and give it back to the states." Not quite sure what he means by "all" but apparently we "lost our American history." Incredibly he follows that by stating that "every state has 'In God we trust' or 'With God's help' in their constitution" and  that "God is recognized as, if you will, America's religion."

Well, not exactly. Each state constitution does mention God but most actually follow something akin to what's found here in California in the preamble : "We, the People of the State of California, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom, in order to secure and perpetuate its blessings, do establish this Constitution." Iowa's constitution differs slightly by being "grateful to the Supreme Being" while Colorado's constitution refers to a "Supreme Ruler of the Universe." And by the way, that 'In God We Trust" we see on our coinage dates to 1955. Trust me on this, I am a numismatist.

Beyond learning that Joe would vote for Sarah Palin in a heartbeat and the John McCain was "the lessor of two evils", Joe tells us that he is a big fan of James Dobson but above all he just wants our leaders to "actually check with God" before they do "stuff." Sounds like Joe could use a thesaurus to go with his dictionary.